Last night was so perfect. I made home made pies and mash for my lovely boyfriend and then we watched a film and ate our food. Then mind-blowing sex and then snuggles all night. Actually perfect. I am so in love still after two years. 

19 beautiful months!

This week has been fucking awful with my Nana dying and on that Tuesday morning at 4am all I wanted to do was snuggle back in my quilt and pretend that it wasn’t happening. I took all of Tuesday off and sat in the bath all day reading and feeling incomplete. I honestly felt so numb. I couldn’t cry or speak. I just wanted to not be in the world. On Tuesday night I went to Lancaster to see Kieron because I’ve never needed him so bad.

And God, was I glad just to see his face. It was like, everything just disappeared. I didn’t need to think or be sad. I just needed to be with him and just to lie with him and feel like he understood and cared. Needless to say I had a lovely Tuesday night in bed with my boy, eating Chinese and talking and watching crappy films and tv shows and just being normal. There was only one time that night when I got upset and that was seeing photos of my Nana all over Facebook. And I got a cuddle and a kiss and the pain drifted away.

I stayed til this afternoon because it’s awful at home, and everyone is so sad and it’s just awful. I wish I’d stayed til Friday night now, fuck Uni. I wish I was back in Lancaster bed with my boyfriend. Because at the moment, that’s the only place I feel happy and loved and like nothing else matters. And I’m so in love with the boy in Lancaster bed that it makes everything better and it makes the pain go away. 

I really really do love my boyfriend. 

I don’t think he’ll ever truly know how much.